感触阿感触

感触感触
压抑了多个月的感触是时候疏解出来了把。
到现在我才真正的明白pastor的苦楚。
那种被人骂和看扁都只能默默的忍受的痛苦。
为了保持大家之间的友好关系惟有“哑巴吃黄连”Pastor 整天讲的"Bitting the bullet".
尤其是被那种目中无人的眼光，真是不好受。
现在才了解pastor又多为大。相信现在没有人会比我更了解他经过的和所承受过的吧。
但往往在此时此刻我都会想起Sister Chai Hong 对我说过的话。
要学会吃Humble pie。 吵架只会让devil得逞。
什么叫做“高处不胜寒”。诺布事主耶稣此我与心灵上的依靠，我还真的不知道还能撑多久。
好多次好多次想要放弃，可始终是没舍得我的youth.
或许没有人知道，我其实早在去年就开始准备如何成为一个好的领导人，
我其实天真地以为只要像耶稣一样务实的奉献和帮助别人就行了。
但到头来才发现不是全部人都会因此而感动或接受你的。
我无私的奉献观心与关怀，不是因为我要收买人心，只是我真的希望大家能守墓相助，大家一起成长。
很多人都劝我要earn the right to lead，我真的明白，我真的了解。
我甚至在去年就开始 earn the right 了，可是我真的至今都还没earn 到很多leader 的服从。
得来的是恨过的负面评语，虽然真的很失望很难过，但很感激像美美和韵璇，sabrina,Sister Chai hong他们的坦白纠正我的错误。
我的脾气变得暴躁，跋扈伤害了无最要害的妹妹美美。令他产生了阴影真实很后悔。
其实sister chai hong所得对，我不能一直因为怕伤害别人而不站起来说哦，
就像耶稣，他不但TENDER，而且还TOUGH。
令我了解到所谓的SOFT并不是懦弱，还要FIRM，坚持自己和主耶稣的信念。
虽然就像语言中我会一直撞板，在别人跟不到的时候就要放下脚步。
所以我不会放弃的。无论他人如何误会我或是无心伤害，主明白我的心。
其实从一个INTERN突然间成为YOUTH 的领导人确实很难服众的。
但我会尽快学习，我一定要。
真的很感激上帝无时无刻的帮助和陪伴。刚接管YOUTH的时候都靠着自己那么有限的能力支撑YOUTH那么愚蠢的。
现在慢慢得学会等待和依靠上帝。逐渐能看见YOUTH真的在慢慢成长了。与其是上兴起的CG，真的察觉到他们变了很多，很开朗和成熟了，而且还很有勇气的打开心扉在心事全盘托出，并且还互相尊重，让我看到了无限的期望。
NOT BY MIGHT， NOR BY POWER， BUT BY THE HOLY SPIRIT。
无不喜欢跑步，但从去年开始刻意养成这习惯，而且还万万都想不到我林锋源会参加MARATHON 而且还跑完十公里！其实就是为了训练我的体格和毅力。因为我了解到无论什么RACE没有毅力都不会成功的。
Paul所说的Race不是跑得最快的人赢得，而是有毅力跑到终点的人赢得。
我开始真的跑得不好，真的很慢，胆子要我坚持，我的YOUTH和我一起坚持，我们一定能携手跑到最后的，跑完这场赛。

a worth of sacrifice...

Lamentation 3:22-23

Recently feel a bit funny. But really thank God for His grace and mercy and faithfulness.

Through the mess of my life and working, His mercy fail not.

Reminded me His word in Lamentation 3:22-23 Throught the Lord's mercy we are not consumed. Because His compassions fail not. There are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.

Got caugth in a promotion preparation last week and company trip hand in hand make me decided to skip sunday service which i felt so regretted. Purposely wake up early in sunday morning rush to office before 7.30am prepare my stuff and at 9.25 rush back to teach sunday school then after that rush back to office to work. Then boss delay the departure of the business trip to JB. so wait few more hours there.

But interesting thing happen on monday night. A message that stunt me. Is from my good sister Pang Pang. request whether i can lead worship on behalf of Tiong Hee for her brother wedding ceremony on 8th August 2009. I thinking twice cause i only lead worship in children church and twice in youth. Certainly i'm not ready for leading in service some more is a wedding ceremony on other ppl's church!!!! But one of Our brother is in business trip in Labuan so he couldn't make it. I kind of hesitate but still decided to do it and Pray gau gau that God must be there. I know worship is not bout the congregation, not bout the place but is bout God. So make my step on water. But since then, i couln't really sleep well lolz.

I'm quite bothered with the song selection so i pray and pray and it is always in such a time like this, i hear God's voice again.... is not bout the song... but is bout the heart. As long as your heart is worshipping me, anysong will do, will be a worship song to Me. But if your heart is merely singing karaoke .... how deep or fantastic worship song also sound like karaoka to Me. After heard the confirmation then i selected two song that gotta do with celebration. "come on and celebrate" and "hari ini"

Thanks for some .. servant heart musician who willingly take up last minute notice and practise on wednesday and thursday which is Eric and Leonard of cause pang pang also. I not sure i can lead or will I so nervous and spoil the weddding? then i'm SINNFUL lolz. Here come saturday morning and when the worship session started... the congregation are worshipping God... together .. is very joyous to see all the ppl worshipping God .. and such a peace in my heart that i wasn't nervous throughout the session. Instead .. the joy .. is there hehe ... Few Uncle feedback the worship leading is good.. but i'm kind of pai seh .. and i replied with all my heart that is merely God grace ..

In my early years of walk with God .. i always think that i can do better if i'm on the stage..

after some years .. finally i realise .. i'm not worthy of the stage ..

Then i learned .. is not bout the stage .. is bout the heart ..

One pastor used to mention this before she lead worship .... "i'm not a singer, but i'm worshipper"

One profound statement i read in the church,

"Lord, please take away my pride."

But God replied,"is not for Me to take away, but is for you to give up."

yes, is for me to give up.

Really thank God and my brother that given me this opportunity .. .

Same goes to night wedding dinner performance . We are not taht ready but ... it appear to be the best .. we try lolz the peace it ther :) ...

Once again .. Thank You Jesus. . .